Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
In America we eat man semen.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
