new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
When are your genitals available?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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