Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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