The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
