I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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