I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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