I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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