I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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