A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
