So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize