I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
