Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
as a side note pls kill me
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
