Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
