Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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