I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
