if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize