I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
