i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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