so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
