3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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