He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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