I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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