I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
