i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
wakey wakey hands off snakey
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
