Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
