So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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