question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'd cum for enchiladas.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
