Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
