I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
