Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
