Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
