gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
