Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
