I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
