i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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