Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
