Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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