he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
