No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My vagina just clenched in fear
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
