i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
