somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
