weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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