I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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