apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Less talking, more tequila
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
