I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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