I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
