4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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