Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
