Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
