ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
