So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
