girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
