FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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