I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
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