I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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