you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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