I think my vagina is haunted
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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