my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
