I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
