I faked an abortion last night.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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