I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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