I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
