When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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