so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
