First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she told me i tasted like america
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
