Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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