all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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