So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
