I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
