Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
