My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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