my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
kristin has been a bad kristin
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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