I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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