Christians are straight up FREAKS
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
