Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
