I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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